Ever wished there was a way to get rich playing video games? There is! And it’s this easy! Here are some practically guaranteed ways to get rich playing video games but don’t come squawking to us if you can’t get rich because it’ll be your fault not ours. We’ve done our job. Don’t try to make out like we’re somehow to blame for you being a complete failure at getting rich playing video games.
Bet someone a million gold coins that you can beat them at playing video games, and then beat them
Find someone with a lot of money and who you’re pretty sure you can beat at a game of video games. Play them at video games but keep losing on purpose. When you’ve lost a whole bunch of times, casually say “Let’s make this interesting,” and then even more casually say “I bet you a million gold coins I can beat you at video games.” When they agree, you beat them and get a million gold coins.
Get free money off the Government or that Arts Council lot
Tell someone in the Government that you are doing important work in the study of playing video games all the time to research the effects of playing video games all the time. They will give you some money, and maybe even build you a facility. If you don’t get money off them for some reason, go to the Arts Council and explain you’re doing a living installation called ‘Man Playing Video Games and Not Doing Much Else Really’ which involves you playing video games and not doing much else really. They love that shit and will definitely give you a stack of cash.
Make some crude oil while Sony finishes making The Last Guardian and you play video games
Go to the garden centre and buy some plants. Next, dig a deepish hole and bury the plants. Now go and wait for Sony to release The Last Guardian. While waiting, play lots of video games. You might be waiting a long time, but that’s fine. When Sony releases The Last Guardian, go hire some drilling and pumping equipment, and drill where you buried the plants. The black stuff coming out of the ground where the plants used to be is called oil. Put the oil into barrels and sell it for a high price.
Crowd fund an invention that turns in-game money into actual money
Start a crowd funding scheme saying you need cash to make an invention that turns in-game money into actual money. Do a video and post some pictures of what the invention might look like. Then go play a bunch of video games and stockpile as much in-game money as possible. By the time you’ve got at least 100 bajillion whatevers, the funding target will be reached. Use that money to pay a man/woman to make the invention. When the invention is done, turn the 100 bajillion whatevers into real money.
Become friendly with a celebrity gamer, earn their trust, and then get employed by them to play video games
Play a bunch of multiplayer games online until you recognise the voice of a wealthy celebrity gamer, like Megan Fox or Salmon Rushdie. Make a note of their Gamertag or PSN ID, and then keep joining matches they’re playing. Say things on the headset that will impress them, like things that are clever or interesting or funny. To take it to the next level, invite them to play online co-op of Gears of War: Judgment or something like that. Once you’ve become good friends, persuade them to employ you as a highly paid person to play games with/against.
Feed the Enchanted Bear and make a wish to get rich playing video games
The Enchanted Bear is a magical animal of the forest that can make wishes come true in exchange for biscuits. So go find the Enchanted Bear and give him some biscuits. When he asks what you want to wish for say “To get rich playing video games”. You will then be surrounded by magical clouds and the next time you play video games you will find large sums of money transferred directly into your account. The last confirmed sighting of the Enchanted Bear was round the back of Countess Services on the A303 in Wiltshire, just near where the Little Chef staff have their fag breaks.
There are lots of other ways to get rich playing video games, but these are the best ones. If you get rich playing video games using one of these methods, please send us a substantial amount of money as a token of your gratitude. If you don’t get rich, just go look at some more Shoot the Barrel to cheer yourself up, like ‘5 ways Nintendo can save Wii U‘, and ‘20 amazing things you never knew about game controllers‘.