Because there’s a little bit of confusion over the issue of playing pre-owned games on the new Xbox One console device, here’s a totally easy-to-understand guide to a variety of possible scenarios that should help you navigate the potentially mind-bending minefield of what the fuck is going on please Microsoft OMG we haz bean XBONED!!!!
If you live in Middle-earth you WILL be able to play pre-owned games, but you must first undertake the arduous and dangerous trek to Mordor, and then register the game by throwing it into the molten core of Mount Doom.
It WILL be possible to play pre-owned games in an alternate dimension where conventional laws of gravity do not apply, but ONLY if you are holding a sack or a bucket.
If you’re in a position closer to the opponent’s TV than both the Xbox One controller, and Kinect-fired photon torpedo array, then you WON’T be able to play pre-owned games, although if you’re not interfering with play you WILL be able to watch someone else playing a pre-owned game, but WON’T be able to play it yourself.
No three positive integers a, b, and c can satisfy the equation an + bn = cn for any integer value of n greater than two. You WILL be able to play pre-owned games.
A farmer has a hen, a fox, a bag of seed, and an Xbox One. He must get himself and all items across the river in a boat which is only big enough to carry himself and one other item. If he takes the hen across first he WILL be able to play pre-owned games, but if at any time the hen is left with the bag of seed, or the fox is left with the hen, then he WON’T be able to play pre-owned games.
Roll two dice. If you roll an even number you WILL be able to play pre-owned games. If you roll an odd number you WON’T be able to play pre-owned games, darkness closes around you and your quest ends here.
If Schrodinger’s cat is dead in the box then you WON’T be able to play pre-owned games, but if it’s not dead in the box then you WILL be able to play pre-owned games. Unless it’s a dog.
It WILL be possible to play pre-owned games if you purchase a valid off-peak ticket, although these are not valid with ‘Advanced’ or ‘Anytime’ tickets, although ‘Super Saver’ tickets can be upgraded, in which case it WON’T be possible to play pre-owned games during peak times, with the exception of weekends, when it WILL be possible to play pre-owned games for a limited time as they are covered separately by ‘Season’ and ‘Rovers and Rangers’ tickets for off-peak. In the event of NOT being able to play pre-owned games, a bus replacement service will be made available.
If you smell of poo you WON’T be allowed to play pre-owned games on any console ever, not just Xbox One.
And it could go on like this for ages but you get the idea. If you have an opinion about Xbox One and pre-ordered games you should write something about it and put it on the internet so everyone can read it and talk about it.