All this fuss about horses instead of cows being made into food got us ‘thinking’ – what would be the most completely delicious food products made from video game horses that we would want to eat, if for some reason we should ever want to do such a thing, if such a thing was somehow made possible, which is unlikely. Anyway, this is what we came up with…
Smokinʼ Rapidash Burgers
Did you know horses are odd-toed ungulates? This means they have hooves with an odd number of toes. This was news to us. We didn’t even realise horses had toes. Rapidash is a pokémon horse that’s on fire, which is why we had the idea of flame-grilled, because fire and flames are connected. Oh, and fast food because burgers are fast food and Rapidashes are fast. Pretty clever, yeah?
Crazy Horstachio Burritos
Are horstachios made of meat, or are they just full of sweets? On the one hand they’re part of the piñata species and should, therefore, be full of sweets. But on the other hand, they can walk about and fight and do the romance dance etc., so presumably they are equipped with a brain, muscles, a nervous system, and meat. Horstachios would be killed in slaughterhouses by over-excited blindfolded children swinging at them wildly with brightly coloured plastic golf clubs.
Exquisitely Expensive Horse Balls
If there’s one good thing to come out of all this unpleasant ‘being fed equine instead of bovine’ business, it’s that it’s given us a topical and consequently completely valid reason to dig up this seven year old joke from the knacker’s yard. But we added to the funny by adding the words ‘horse balls’ and ‘mouth’. We’d buy that for a dollar.